I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
