I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
