Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
