We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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