There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
