No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
