does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
