"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
