so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
