This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
