I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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