Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
