he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
