Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
