i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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