you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
