last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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