Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
