1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
