So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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