Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Alive.
So much puke
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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