I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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