Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
