i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
