I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
