...so i touched it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ruined the universe
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
