hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
