some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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