i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
