You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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