its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
