He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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