how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
