I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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