what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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