Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
