Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
