so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
