You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
