Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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