So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
