dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
