I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
