I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
