no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
