THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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