I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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