I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
