The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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