when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
