everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
