so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
