i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
