Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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