didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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