We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Houston, we have a squirter
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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