There was a lot of him and a little penis
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
