would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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