I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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