I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He better not be in your backpack
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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