Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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