Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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