the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
