so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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