I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
