just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
