i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
