I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
