would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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