I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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